Adrenaline Rush

Adrenalin Rush
The high takes me,
Places I don’t go
Shows me a side
I don’t want to know
Caught in the moment,
Trapped in a forever
That ends in an instant
And the tremors take me
Unable to stand still
Hand shakes,
Knees tremble
Sickness rises in my throat
And I swallow it down
Thoughts of mortality,
Feelings of regret
Dreams of should of
Would of, could of
That didn’t happen
I don’t want it to happen again
But I want so much to ride that
Forever moment


Hmm, not sure about that ending.

The Fit Hit the Shan

Well, it really did. Disturbed by screams about 6:00 tonight, came inside to find the oldest boy had the oldest girl on the floor and was wailing on her. Now to my mind, there is not now, never has been, and never will be, an excuse to hit a girl. Ever. Sure I got in arguments and scraps with my little sis, but there was always a line, and you never crossed it.
But to see this, this big fifteen year old holding down this screaming girl, I saw red. The last couple of weeks he has been getting more abusive and stroppy, and this was the final straw. I haven't lost the plot like that since the days of my brother abusing my mum.
I grabbed him and hauled him off her shouting something incoherent at him. She was off and running out the door, the littlest boy was cowering in the corner and he came off the sofa calling me for everything under the sun. He shouted that he would take me down, so I put him back down into that sofa again, scooped up the little one and beata retreat. He was screaming in rage,something about me being such a big man, taking on a fifteen year old, I was a fucking coward yadda yadda yadda. Hey I've never struck a woman, and the only two fights I've ever been in was when I was protecting someone who couldn't protect themselves. But be that as it may, me and the little guy beat a retreat to my sleepout and left him alone to lock himself in the house and rant and vent. Mum comes home about and hour later and he starts winding up to lay into her, but this time he grabs a knife. So I called the cops, while his mother managed to get the knife off him. They showed up about twenty minutes later,and meantime he was barricaded in his bedroom rant and raging how we didn't have the balls to call the cops on him. End of the day kid, I never hurt no ladies. The cops took him away to spend the night with a family friend, and more I am sure will follow tomorrow. Meantime,my dramas aren't over. Following my run in with him,I get a phone call from my mum telling me my sixteen year old nephew/surrogate son has pulled himself out of school after being caught smoking weed with some cretins during lunch break. And she tells me he has threatened to hurt her too. What the fuck? Here is a kid that made great strides this year getting himself set up for success, and now he is throwing it all away for what?
Seriously?
What the fuck is goingon?

Uurgh

Throbbing Headache - Check
Slight fever - Check
Blocked sinuses - Check
Alternating Chills and sweats - Check

Damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn damn

Missing her

Every now and again, this sense of isolation, and loss, overwhelms me. It is a strange thing, to know that she is out there somewhere. I wonder if she thinks of me at all at this stage? What, if anything, has her mother told her about me? The not knowing eats at me like a cancer, until waves of nausea wash over me and I cannot breathe. It has been three years and four months since I last saw my daughter. She was one year, two months and fourteen days old. The pain of her loss has changed, but never lessened.
I miss you Hana-chan.

Disturbed

Rereading that last post in the cold light of day, I am somewhat disturbed by the violent imagery I used. I am also unhappy about the first line of the second stanza.
Oh well, I'll think about it at work today,

Work In Progress

Tentatively titled "Loss"

Her smile puts hooks into me
Cruel barbs that tear the flesh
Stabbing, stabbing, ice cold spikes
To the hot heart, that steal breath
And leave you gasping
Like a fresh caught fish
Drowning in the air
Desperate for the welcome bliss
Of a clear cold loving ocean
And leaves you gasping for a breath
That you can't ever seem to catch

The pain of her loss like cuts
From a fresh sharpened knife
Slicing, slicing, ice cold lines
Unfeeling at first, you stare
At the clean sliced skin
Ugly lips that peel back
To reveal scarlet
Blood billowing forth before pain
That robs all the other senses
And leaves you gasping for a breath
That you can't ever seem to catch

Thats Not Troy

I am trying to explain to a fifteen year old kid about the legends of Troy as according to Homer. All I keep getting is "Thats not how it was in the movie".
Yes, its true. Hollywood made some shit up. Surprise