Thank You Ewan

In a little over two months time, Hanano will turn four. For the majority of her life, I have not been there for her, not by choice, but because I was forced out. Not a single day goes by that I don't think of her and miss her. Until recently the pain of missing her has been almost unbearable, but its changing now. Memories of her are beginning to evoke good feelings. Sure I am still sad, but I am able to remember the good times, to laugh at the little absurdities and enjoy my memories of her, rather than get depressed, or angry. Moving to Hamilton was definitely the right decision for me. Everywhere I went in Palmerston North reminded me of Hana and Kyoko. Every old friend and colleague I met invariably asked after them and evoked memories I couldn't deal with.

Living here in Hamilton, spending time with Nyssa and Ewan, I feel I am finally beginning to heal. Ewan is an absolute delight, and I cherish the time I am able to spend with him. A couple of nights ago, I went around to visit, and I received a flying hug. This not so little two year old came charging across the living room floor and threw himself, arms wide open, at me for a cuddle. Last night he shared some of his pudding with me, and when it was bed time, I got a kiss goodnight. He even spotted me a few days ago walking through the park and excitedly pointed me out to Nyssa. (I am Man, Conrad is still a bit to hard to pronounce). I miss Hanano, and I will always have these bleak patches where I think of what should have been, but thanks to Ewan I can remember the good things now as well.

The video is a memory of a favourite game, Nono Attack! A little girl would lurk at the edge of the couch, or armchair, and slowly rise up giggling happily if she thought she had surprised you.